When your husband is upset, you should focus on bringing him to himself, not aggravating the situation. There are bad phrases that may be bearable in other circumstances but totally out of place when he is not himself. You need to master some of these hurtful words to keep them away from your lips whenever you sense he is not in his best mood.
Speaking hurtful words to an upset person just shows you don’t care about their feelings; it will leave deep emotional wounds in their hearts. When the upset person is your husband, you better be extra careful because you should be working extra hard not to drive the marriage downhill.
Words are cheap in making, even in marriage. You merely roll your tongue. But the damage could last for years and be hard to fix.
Here are some words that are easy to churn out when your husband is upset but may end up complicating your marriage:
- I’m Not Your Mother
Some husbands are said to have not had enough motherly care, or that they are yet to get over the transition from “mother’s boy” into a husband. They still want to be pampered with sweet words and endless encouragements.
If your husband is that type, too bad for you. But you don’t help the situation when you remind him you are not his mother when he is upset. It rubs him off. Don’t make him feel childish.
- I Want a Divorce
When your husband is upset over an issue and it so happens that you have been sucked into the matter, do not make things worse by playing the divorce card. By hurrying to ask for divorce over an issue that can be fixed by simply waiting for him to calm down, you only show your husband that you don’t value this marriage and are willing to let it go without a struggle.
Furthermore, it can be interpreted as blackmail. Putting divorce on the table too soon limits your husband’s ability to offer other ways to deal with the matter at hand. You are actually threatening him. Men don’t want to be blackmailed into submission. Before you say this word, seek couples therapy in Croton-on-Hudson, NY.
- That’s Childish
Whatever has made your husband may be petty in your eyes, but that doesn’t give you the right to speak your mind when he is still upset. Remember, people have their own way of seeing things. Or maybe there’s something you are missing about the whole issue. Terming it “childish” or “that’s a very small matter” will make your husband feel foolish or immature.
So don’t readily dismiss his feelings. He will not take it kindly when you want to play the more mature person in the room.
- Stop Being so Dramatic
Again, people express themselves in their own way. As long as your husband is not getting into your space while dealing with whatever hurt him, do not find fault with the way he is dealing with it. He may be tearing his hair, clicking constantly, talking to himself, rubbing his face or walking up and down in the room. All these are not going to hurt you. Let him have his time.
When you watch all these and remark that he is being dramatic, you end up hurting him further. Remember he may not have been conscious of himself when pacing the room up and down. Now you make him see himself as acting. It shows more about his body language than what has caused him to act that way.
- I Regret Marrying You
This is another way of saying, “You blackmailed me into marrying you” or that “I was not well-informed when I made a decision to marry you.” It is a language full of contempt. It means the husband is inferior in your eyes. You are busy damaging his self-esteem. No sensible man would want to stay with a wife who considers her superior.
If you still want the marriage to stick together, you might as well stop telling him about what you regret. Remember, he is upset.
- You act Crazy Now!
Crazy people are locked up in the asylums. They are not fit to live in an open society because they may hurt themselves or others. When you tell your husband that he is acting crazy, you simply mean he should be seized and be locked up for his or your safety.
You are questioning his judgment or reasoning. How is that going to calm him down or help him deal with the unpleasant issue bothering him? He may actually now get crazy on hearing you question his mental state.
- I Don’t Care
You don’t have to care each time your husband is upset, especially if it’s truly a petty matter or something he will soon get over. But you don’t need to communicate that. You can just keep quiet or leave him alone until he calms down.
Telling him you don’t care when he perhaps expects you to show some concern is outright cruel. You are simply “cancelling” his feelings. In essence, you insinuate that you don’t care whether he is upset or not; it’s his business. You should at least show him you care about him, even when he is mistaken on the reasons he is upset.
- I Hate You
A marriage cannot thrive on hate. If you still hope the marriage will last, it is really wrong to tell your husband that you hate him, especially when he is already upset. That will get deep into him because it goes much beyond the matter at hand.
You make it clear that even if the matter it solved, you still don’t love him. Worse, you may not have meant it but how will you convince him you spoke in the heat of the moment?
Wrapping It Up
Just as there are things you should avoid telling your husband when he is upset, there are also things he must not say to you. But you should not focus on that first. Remember, you should first work on being the solution in your marriage, not part of the problem that needs to be solved.
Watch your tongue first. Maybe when you do this he will learn to watch his. You cannot always control what other people can say. But you should always control what you say. You can seek couples therapy in Croton-on-Hudson, NY, to seek advice from a professional about hurtful words that can damage your marriage.
